Searching For Value

We are all constantly trying to be someone, be recognized, become important in others eyes.  This takes a lot of effort.  We want to be number one, famous, considered someone people want to know and be around.  At least this is what we think we want.

I know in my own life, when I’m speaking to someone, I’m not listening to them but thinking about what I’m going to say when they’re finished.  And usually I try to do one better than them by making my story seem more important then theirs.  It’s a wonder I have any friends but luckily my close mates are all understanding people who have decided to keep me as a friend no matter how obnoxious I am.  Learning about the truth of things has made me a little less pushy, but still I struggle with trying to curb my self-centered, egotistical ways.

We want to be valuable to others. We want to feel needed and have a purpose.  If others are constantly ignoring us and trying to get away, we need to look at ourselves and see what it is that others are seeing.  Then we need to try to remedy the situation, because it is important we get along with others. They’re our brothers and sisters.  We are just one big family.

If we listen to our mind, it will tell us that we are somebody and we deserve everyone else’s respect.  Our mind will tell us that our opinion matters, and that people should listen to us because what we say is important.  The mind will say other people are wrong and we are right.

We may even come to blows with someone who disagrees with what we think.  The thing is that it is just what we think.  Even if we know what we are talking about, it is still just what we think.

When I was younger, I thought I knew everything.  I had taken a lot of mind expanding drugs and because of this illusion, I thought my mind was expanded to the ends of the universe and I was the alpha and omega.  Boy was I wrong.  I soon found out how little I knew when I met my spiritual master, Siddhaswarupananda.  He set me straight about a lot of things. What attracted me to him was the fact that he didn’t try to boost my false ego by telling me how great I was, just so I would become his follower.  No, he didn’t care about followers at all.  He cared about me and was going to tell me truth about myself, no matter what.  This was so good.  It was the first time in my life of searching for the truth that the teacher didn’t have ulterior motives.

My spiritual master, Siddhaswarupananda, taught me that we are all valuable because we are spiritual in essence and immortal.  These are things that I had heard in church growing up but the concept was vague, and he clarified it for me.  He had a way of teaching that made sense.  I was still very skeptical but little by little, gradually I began to actually understand that this was the truth.

I had always known that I didn’t want to die but that it was inevitable.  I had heard that it was the scariest thing we had to face in our short lives.  But now, I was understanding that we are not this mortal frame but the living, spiritual essence within. This gave me new hope and a sense of peace I had never felt before.  It gave me a sense of brotherhood with all living entities.  I heard that we were supposed to love everyone– that love is all you need –but some people were so hard to love on the physical level for so many reasons.  Knowing that we are all spiritual beings, shining like the sun, sparks of the Supreme Being, has helped me in learning to love everyone.

So now I see that there is no reason for this false, puffed up version of ourselves, to try to make others think we are great.  Our greatness is inherent in our being children of the Supreme Being.

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